she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
