Christians are straight up FREAKS
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
