I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
