Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Sorry my hands just texted you
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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