woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
