Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
