I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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