i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
