You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
