we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
