It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize