I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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