But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
