I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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