Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
