All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
