my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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