I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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