I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
