Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
