how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
The beer is more important than you right now.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
