The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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