My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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