I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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