This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
