I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I wish there were birth control emojis
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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