Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize