Having a random hookup so left but love u
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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