Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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