i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
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