well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
