Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
