make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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