and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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