so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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