sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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