i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
