are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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