Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
