i need an iv and a liver transplant
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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