Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
