I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
