In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
