hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
