You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
