i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
