Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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