btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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