im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
