1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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