I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
