Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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