all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
