I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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