Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
