"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
