Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
