I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
