Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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