new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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