You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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