My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
