I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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