oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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