Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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