I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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