I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
