She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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