Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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