it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
